Five Ways to Defeat the Trump Administration With...

Five Ways to Defeat the Trump Administration With the Instant Pot™

It seems that everyone online is obsessed with two topics these days: how to stop, block, and bring to justice the criminal administration of Donald J. Trump, and the Instant Pot™, the electronic pressure cooker that has, almost overnight, revolutionized electronic pressure cooking. But did you know that these two obsessions can be combined? That the hottest kitchen item since the original Cuisinart can be used to bring down the worst administration in history? Here are our top five suggestions for getting even more out that miracle appliance than chili in half an hour or home-made beans in less than a day.

    1. Holding the Instant Pot™ firmly by the handles, go up to President Trump, Vice-President Pence, or anyone in the administration, and hit them over the head with it. Note: It is not necessary that the top of the Instant Pot™ be attached to the main unit for this purpose, but if you do employ the top—rendering the appliance heavier to wield, yes, but providing a more decisive blow—be sure it is locked in place, so as not to jar it loose and run the risk of damaging it. Once the subject has been hit, use a quick release: drop the pot and run like hell.
    2. Add two Tbs cooking oil to the Instant Pot™. Switch on the unit’s Saute function and, when the oil starts to shimmer, add one pound bone-in chicken thighs. Brown thoroughly on both sides. Switch unit to OFF, add one 15 oz. can diced tomatoes, 1 Tb. Curry powder, ½ tsp salt, a grind or two of fresh black pepper, and ¼ tsp dioxin. Seal the unit and cook on HIGH for 30 minutes. Allow for a natural release. Serve the chicken to Wilbur Ross, Jared Kushner, that awful Ivanka, or any other member of the administration. Garnish with chopped parsley if desired.
    3. Using the Saute function, brown two pounds of boneless beef short ribs in 2 Tbs. cooking oil. Remove to a plate. Add to the pot one onion, thinly sliced, and one red or green bell pepper, cut into 1” strips. When soft, add 1 Tb minced garlic and saute until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add 1 cup flavorful beer and stir well, scraping up brown bits from the bottom of the pot. Switch to OFF, return the ribs to the pot, and cook on HIGH for 40 minutes. Allow a natural release. Invite over for dinner Robert S. Mueller III or anyone in his office, and assure them that this meal, and others, are theirs for the asking, so long as they catch and prosecute these bastards.
    4. The Instant Pot™ has a variety of functions in addition to the standard HIGH setting for meats and stews. For example, it can be used as a slow cooker, for gentle braises over hours instead of minutes. To take advantage of that, make Melissa Clark’s recipe for classic polenta: Combine 5 cups of water or chicken stock, 1.5 cups coarse or medium polenta or corn meal, ¾ tsp. fine se salt, 1 bay leaf, and 3 Tbs. butter in the pot. Cook it on Low for 3-4 hours, stirring occasionally. When not stirring the polenta, use that time to call the White House (202-456-1111) repeatedly, and inform the operator what an asshole Trump is.
    5. Learn to make Urvashi Pitre’s recipe for Jhinga Nariyal Wala (Shrimp Coconut Curry). You’ll need shrimp, ginger, garlic, turmeric, salt, cayenne, Garam Masala, coconut milk, and water. Prepare it in the Instant Pot™ according to instructions. Make enough for 1,000 people. Take the results to one of Trump’s rallies and set up a booth outside, perhaps in the parking lot of the venue. Distribute bowls of the curry for free as the MAGA faithful exit the event. If they say “I don’t like weird foreign food” or its equivalent, gently prod them to taste it. When they say, “Hey—this is good!” tell them that if only they can overcome their narrow provincial prejudices, an entire world of yummy “foreign” food awaits them. But in order to do so, they will have to repudiate Trump and the ignorant white supremacist nationalism he stands for. Tell them, “You can eat stupid cheeseburgers all your life, and back Trump, or you can eat this, AND Langar Ki Dal (Creamy Mixed Lentils), AND stupid cheeseburgers, and a thousand other things. But you can’t if you still support Trump.” Do this, at a variety of rally venues, until further notice.

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