In a recent issue we ran the obituary of a fellow toiler in the literary vineyards. It is today our happier duty to report that a replacement for Pangram Magazine founder and editor V.X. Quistfly has been found and put to work rhetorically eschewing reflux in bald piqued Kyrgyzstanis.
With hearty bonk, we floridly welcome at Pangram, replacing the late V.X. Quistfly, editor John Cruz. [Wow, glad to be here, Zika-free, o piquant jelly-fancying ex-Mrs. Uvula! – Ed.]
Many quixotic submitters were vetted for the gig, requiring (zero joke) a facility with pan-alphabetic sentences. [Just like this one, flightily exceptionalizing a grey BMW, quo vadis! – Ed.]
We liked Mangryzd J. Quorrix, but he lacked graphics/composition skills and was, to boot, a wavy loaf. [Also, posited we, his moniker was ersatz; a false name conjuring big quaint fevers of highway Quix! – Ed.]
Likewise, Trivlix Z. Quimhauser definitely jangled our suspicion bells.
And Zulu Piff, though an expert verbicrucialist, lacked quizzy whims.
Mr. Cruz passed crit, but we’d hoped for more vexed byline letters, to help jam-in Pangram’s quirks.
Also: Cruz’s blue-pencil, jeer some quibblers, reveals his worrisome laxity toward fake meaning. [Hope this is a waxy joke, you Zima-quaffing peregrine-absolving cad! – Ed.]
But, cavil as we might, no other qualified applicants yoked their ox to our jizz plough. [Apology, kid; “jizz plough” sux, but few un-verbosities had requisite alphabeticism! – Ed.]
Whether this puzzling lexical extremism becomes juvenile, only time and a firkin of quahogs will one day tell.
