At a Republican presidential debate on March 4, 2016, Donald Trump, referring to rival Marco Rubio’s criticism of the size of Trump’s hands, held them up and said, “Look at those hands, are they small hands?” He reminded us of Rubio’s punchline — “if they’re small, something else must be small.” And then Trump told us, “I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”
As one, the nation looked at its spouse, friends, or colleagues, and said, “Wait—did he just refer to his dick?”
In the days that followed, many commentators opined that, “in a normal election,” such a remark would in itself have been disqualifying; no serious candidate for the highest office in the land who makes open reference to his own genitalia should survive the firestorm of criticism and revulsion that will follow. Trump, they sighed, managed to weather the controversy only because he was sui generis, and seemed to defy all political laws with impunity.
However, even a cursory glance at American history reveals that other figures — actual Presidents, that is; not simply candidates — have, for centuries, boasted publicly about their various body parts. And, while it strains credulity to suppose that Donald Trump did so after having made a study of the lives of his political predecessors, it nonetheless remains true that his comments are part of a thriving, robust tradition.
Below, we provide a brief summary of various brags, leers, and snickers as regards certain presidential organs and appendages. Whether or not these foreshadow a Trump victory in November remains to be seen.
| Name | Term | Party | Body Part | Quote |
| Thomas Jefferson | 1801-1809 | Democratic-Republican | Nostrils
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“Although it offends my instinctual sense of modesty, I am at times compelled to praise the shapeliness of my nose-holes.” |
| John Quincy Adams | 1825-1829 | Democratic-Republican | Chin | “When I behold mine own chin, I am reminded of Shakespeare. ‘What a piece of work is Man.’” |
| Franklin Pierce | 1853-1857 | Democratic | Liver | “Although it is not visible to me, nor to any man, my liver has been an enduring source of consolation my entire life.” |
| Rutherford B. Hayes | 1877-1881 | Republican | Abs | “Hit them, sir! I defy you!” |
| William McKinley | 1897-1901 | Republican | Eyebrows | “Watch this…Confess it, man–is that not exquisite control? And thus particularly expressive?” |
| Calvin Coolidge | 1923-1929 | Republican | Ankle | “Look. Perfect.” |
| Lyndon B. Johnson | 1963-1969 | Democratic | Navel | “What I tell folks is, I’m not an innie or an outie. I’m a flattie. And that’s the gospel truth. Wait…Feel that.” |
| Ronald Reagan | 1981-1989 | Republican | Pineal Gland | “Well, since the scientists tell us that the pineal gland is the seat of all mental activity, that must be why I’ve got such a nice one.” |
| Bill Clinton | 1993-2001 | Democratic | Calves | “I mean I like the shape of them fine. But do you know, I have never had either one cramp up on me? Not once.” |
| George W. Bush | 2001-2009 | Republican | Feet | “I mean everybody has feet. I know that. I know that people have feet. But I like mine.” |
