DEPARTMENT OF LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION
VOCABULARY REHABILITATION DIVISION
7/29/16
FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION
IN THE WAKE OF THE REPUBLICAN AND DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTIONS THE FOLLOWING WORDS/PHRASES/TERMS HAVE BEEN DECLARED ABUSED, BANKRUPT, OR OTHERWISE RENDERED MEANINGLESS, AND ARE HEREBY REMANDED TO VOCABULARY REHABILITATION FOR NOT LESS THAN THIRTY (30) DAYS.
CAUSE OF REMAND (“DEGRADED MEANING”) AND ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTES ARE PROVIDED BELOW.
| Word or Term | Original Meaning | Degraded Meaning | Acceptable Substitute | Example |
| Liberty | Freedom; lack of constraint | License; permission to be an asshole | Do-ability | “Give me do-ability, or give me deadness.” |
| Freedom | Liberty; lack of constraint | Status of being just as important as anybody else | Okayness | “They may take our lives, but they will never take our okayness.” |
| Patriot | A person loyal to his/her country | A jerk eager to beat up a liberal | Loyal citizen who is not an idiot | “He died in service to his country. He was a true loyal citizen who was not an idiot.” |
| Don’t believe in | Deny the existence of; disap- prove of | Feel threatened by; wish wasn’t real even though it fucking is | Would rather not have to deal with | “You heard me. I called him a fag. I would rather not have to deal with being ‘politically correct.’” / “Yes, I vote for morons because, like me, they would rather not have to deal with ‘global warming.’” |
| Protect | Assure the safety of; defend against harm | Endanger via the presence of guns | Fantasize about being heroic in the service of | “Why do I keep a gun in the bedroom, the den, and the kitchen? In order to fantasize about being heroic in the service of my family. And in case the government tries to take away my okayness.” |
| Family | Domestic unit of adults and children in which both the virtues and the fucked up mischegoss of the former are bestowed upon the latter | Sacred, idealized social unit consisting of wise adults and obedient, respectful children | My domestic peeps | ““Why do I keep a gun in the bedroom, the den, and the kitchen? In order to fantasize about being heroic in the service of my domestic peeps. And in case the government tries to take away my okayness. And because I would rather not have to deal with gun control when it comes to my do-ability. I’m a Second Amendment loyal citizen who is not an idiot, so fuck you.” |
Chuy Benitez
http://tinyurl.com/n82nz6c
