Following in the footsteps of the Long Island Iced Tea Corp., whose shares increased 500% in pre-market trading when it changed its name to Long Blockchain Corp., other corporations and institutions have announced plans to make use of what have become the business world’s hottest buzzwords in years.
With the phenomenal rise (and fall, and rise) of Bitcoin, investors have flocked to businesses that seem to have even the remotest connection to the decentralized, online crypto-currency, its thousands of varieties, and its foundational “blockchain” technology.
Thus, Uncle Murray’s Chow-Chow, Inc., a West Virginia-based manufacturer of relishes and pickles, recently changed its name to Uncle Blockchain’s Murray Bitcoin Chow-Chow, becoming the first home-based canning business to qualify for a NASDAQ listing three weeks after reporting a yearly profit of $2,904.12.
Similarly:
- Pharmediqq, Inc., a pharmaceutical company, has announced it is changing its name to Pbitpharqqoyn, Inc., retaining the original “double-q” spelling that has, for years, given headaches to proofreaders and editors. Its main product, to date, has been Correccin, a dedicated headache analgesic prescribed principally to proofreaders and editors.
- HBO has announced the greenlighting of an updated version of its Tales from the Crypt, a fantasy-horror series that ran from 1989 to 1996. The new series will be entitled New Tales from the Crypt of the Currency of the Blockchain, and will focus on horror stories about Bitcoin “miners,” whose perilous jobs require them to enter rooms and look at computers all day.
- Stage Works, Inc., the theatrical company producing Oy Vey, I’ve Got My Period!, a musical about the travails of being a Jewish woman, has announced it is revising the show’s title to Oy Vey, My Husband Invested in Etherium AND I’ve Got My Period, Already!
- The Greater Minneapolis-St. Paul School District, in an effort to “foster student interest in the major works of American literature of the twentieth century,” has commissioned a series of book covers to be used to “enhance” its Modern Masters line of literary classics, sold at discount prices to the district’s 11th and 12th graders. The “augmented” titles include The Blockchain Also Rises, A Bitcoin Grows in Brooklyn, The Sound and the Fury and the Crypto and the Currency, and Goodblockchain, Columbus.
Following its meteoric rise, the share price of Long Blockchain settled back down to an increase of “only” around 275 percent. At the time, in December, 2017, the company announced that, while it would continue to market non-alcoholic lemonades and iced tea beverages as a subsidiary, it intended to seek partners to invest in blockchain technology, and to purchase 1,000 Bitcoin mining computers.
However, with a recent plunge in Bitcoin—the digital currency lost $10,000 in value in the six weeks since the company’s name change—Long Blockchain has pulled back from the investment. Its market cap has dipped below the $35 million minimum necessary to qualify for a NASDAQ listing.
“We may keep the ‘blockchain’ in our name,” a company spokesperson said. “Although we’re talking about other options. We liked ‘kale’ for awhile, but that’s over. Some of our board members want to change the company’s name to Long Island Blockchain Driverless Car Iced Tea. And we’re discussing anal sex. That’s hot now, isn’t it?”
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