FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
APOCALYP-TECH LEISURE ENTERPRISES, INC. announces a new line of toys, video games and future feature films combining the industry’s evergreen concept of transforming robots with the hottest trend in today’s pop culture: gender ambiguity. We are proud to announce THE TRANS FORMATRONS®. More than just another fictional race of bloodthirsty alien invaders evolved from an extraterrestrial machine culture run amok, THE TRANS FORMATRONS® are aliens that convert into sexually-amorphous robots who refuse to be pigeon-holed into gender stereotypes!
Among the line-up of kick-butt characters certain to catch on with today’s kids are:
- OPTIONUS PHALLUS – The ferocious leader of the Trans Formatrons® tribe, Optionus Phallus’s massive laser cannon converts—when in his humanoid form–into a power-packed appendage that functions as both a battering ram and a fire hose. (Just unscrew his head and add water or Apocalyp-Tech’s official Fun Fluid® to safely drench any enemy.) No rival robot can vanquish the mechanical scepter of doom jutting from Optionus’s loins! When threatened, his laser cannon Sexcalibur® retracts neatly into his metal abdomen, at which point the Trans Formatron® chieftain can comfortably express more feminine yet still self-empowering affirmations in the face of patriarchal hostility!
- THEY, THE PAN-SEXUARRIOR – Half-man, half woman, all battle-bot! Each version of this extremely dynamic duo is as vicious and angry as the other–not about their choice to transform into a man/woman, but rather about the reaction of the other robots to their conversions, as well as their right to slaughter enemies in whatever gender exoskeleton they please! They, The Pan-Sexuarrior may live for inter-galactic warfare, but they’re not at all conflicted! Only when it comes to They’s inner conflict over which pronoun to use is she tempted to zap himself – and vice versa – with his and hers his-and-hers electro-rays!
- VAGI-NO – Better not use the “P word” to Vagi-No, unless it ends with “enis.” And don’t let her sleek design and lack of guns fool you: Vagi-No’s secret weapon is her battery-operated, voice-activated Zinger®, which devastates enemies with Derogatory Comments™ about the size of their swords and their wielding abilities. And when she straps on her hot pink Power Punker®, her foes flee in terror! When it comes to female robots, Vagi-No’s the man!
- MULTI-MEGA-MECHA-MONSTER-MOBILE – It’s a turbo-boosted, wave-skimming battleship AND a rocket-powered, cloud-scraping fighter jet AND a male AND a female! Which means this Trans Formatron® can be a male battleship AND a female battleship AND a male fighter jet AND a female fighter jet! So it’s 4 toys in one! Plus, the Multi-Mega-Mecha-Monster-Mobile can convert from its super-vehicle form to its cyber-android form, both of which have both male and female accessories. That’s 8 toys in one – or possibly 16. You do the math. We’re too busy having fun! However many Multi-Mega-Mecha-Monster-Mobiles there are, they’re a bargain at twice the price!
- WOE-MAN – Her projectile-firing Orifice of Infinite Power announces to the cowed denizens of Earth: Woe to any Man who stands in this robot’s way! But when she transforms into humanoid form, Woe-Man’s breastplates secrete a powerful elixir that hypnotizes both men and women equally, turning them into helpless, needy lap-sitters desperate for Woe-Man’s unconditional love. With her signature tag line, “Suck on this!”™ Woe-Man may well be the most powerful and terrifying Trans Formatron® of them all, leaving a trail of psychologically tormented and deeply troubled victims in her wake!
- SUBMISSO-MASTER 3000 – Equipped with his awe-inspiring Spear of Dominance, this super-powerful robo-gladiator harbors a powerful natural desire for destruction – and submission! In mecha-macho mode, he packs an array of 360° radar-cams so no one can approach him undetected or without his consent. But once transformed into humanoid form, Submisso-Master 3000’s defensive gear converts into attractive flashing Disco-Lites™ and dance music, to encourage other robots to sneak up behind him. Unless of course it’s an enemy combatant – then they risk triggering Submisso-Master 3000’s spring-loaded Rear Ejector Seat®. This robot bows to no one! Unless he wants to.
Orlando Festa
http://tinyurl.com/oall5zn
