SMEGMORE PRODUCTIONS, LLC
11374½ Industrial Park Drive
Chatsworth CA 91311
MEMORANDUM
FROM: VP of Current
TO: Creative Team
RE: Notes on rough cut of “Strap-on Stepmom”
First of all, let me say a quick thanks to everyone at Smegmore for their warm welcome. Transitioning to adult entertainment after my years in network TV development is a challenge I look forward to. I’m sure my more “mainstream” background will only enhance the exciting “indie” vibe here at Smegmore!
GENERAL NOTES
• Congratulations on casting a woman in a leading role. As I’m sure we’re all aware, the entertainment industry has been shamefully remiss in creating strong, complex, female characters. But in “Strap-on Stepmom,” Staci Maxxx portrays a woman who is both powerful and feminine, forceful while still nurturing, a gal who not only tells the world where to get off but helps them do it. Staci’s Mrs. Cleavage is a woman of strength, as we clearly dramatize when she spanks her teenage stepson, stepdaughter, stepdaughter’s boyfriend, and a passing burglar, then mounts them all while they’re made to eat her fresh-baked apple pie from a dog bowl . I admit I’d like to see some mention of Mrs. Cleavage’s actual career, but at least the subtext clearly suggests she’s more than just a homemaker since she wears high heels. All the time. Even in the shower. Anyway, folks, I’m proud to help make a neo-feminist statement with “Strap-on Stepmom.” Wake up, Hollywood! Women have balls too, even if they’re plastic!
• Having said that, I think we can still explore the character of Mrs. Cleavage more deeply: who is she really? What is her backstory? What are her dreams? What does she want? Besides “your cock.”
• Apparently there was some confusion after our initial meet-and-greet this week. When I referred to Acts I, II and III, I meant the fundamental shifts in the narrative’s movement; the change in the protagonist’s emotional relationship to the central conflict; in short, the beginning, middle and end of the story. NOT to the 3 major sex acts depicted in the film: fellatio, rear entry, and more fellatio. However, upon screening the entire film, I now realize that those acts ARE the fundamental shifts in the narrative’s movement. So….
• In Act I let’s try to establish a more complex relationship between Mrs. Cleavage and what we see of what I think is her pool man.
• In Act II, we need to understand why her relationship with her pool man has deteriorated to the point of seeking out new partners, and how she feels about this shifting dynamic. As fine an actress as Staci no doubt is, I suspect it’ll be difficult for an audience to discern this by only looking at her from behind. Do we have coverage that includes her face? I’ll bet we have a reverse angle shot of Staci that conveys her sense of deepening love and conflicted desire when her stepson walks in on her in flagrante delicto with her stepdaughter’s tutor in the middle of Act II. That is, if Donovan’s ass isn’t blocking her eyeline.
• In Act III, Mrs. Cleavage’s return to her relationship with her pool man powerfully reinforces the story’s theme of her trapped existence: that her life has effectively come full circle in an almost Chekhovian sense. Unless of course that’s not her pool man. I was pretty sure it was until the actor took off his jockstrap and revealed more of his character. Is it supposed to be her heretofore-unseen husband? If so, that would still echo the Ibsen-esque theme of a woman’s preordained tragic fate in a paternalistic society. It’s probably not, now that I think of it, because the mysterious Mr. Cleavage is supposed to be a lawyer and this guy is sporting leather chaps and an Iron Cross shaved into his buttock hair.
You know, let’s forget about the theme for now. Leave that to those snooty New Yorker critics.
• Hate to bring up casting decisions this late in the production, but I don’t think Inga Buchholtz is quite believable as a schoolgirl. It’s difficult to accept that a woman old enough to have “Sex Pistols Rule” tattooed on her lower back would still have a stuffed Tigger on her bed. Yes, her braids, omnipresent lollipop and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles panties help mitigate the age issue somewhat, but not enough to distract from her breast augmentation scars. Also, she does not appear to know what homework is since, when her tutor tells her to take out her Algebra, she removes her shirt.
Is there any money in the budget for reshoots?
• In addition, Inga’s character, Kelly, appears to be from some Slavic country, while her brother Randy’s speech suggests he’s from the American South. I can only assume that the siblings were separated soon after birth and raised in different parts of the world: Kelly by her late mother who returned to “the old country” when she and Kelly’s dad divorced; Randy by his father who apparently was recently transferred to L.A. (thus accounting for the palm tree out the window and remarkable lack of furniture in the house) after raising the boy in Kentucky or someplace like that. Presumably, brother and sister were then reunited when their father married the new Mrs. Cleavage and offered his long-estranged daughter an opportunity to come to America to complete her interrupted education, which would explain her still being in high school despite having an advanced cigarette cough, as well as why her plaid skirt is three sizes too small for her.
This fascinating family history is rich material. Can we mine it for more drama?
SPECIFIC NOTES
• Time Code 3:14: The next-door neighbor’s line “Give it to me. You know where.” What exactly is “it” and where exactly is she referring to? It’s a visual medium, people. Show, don’t tell!
• Time Code 3:29: Disregard that last note. Both questions are answered quite clearly.
• Dialogue beginning at 8:24 with:
POOL MAN
Oh yeah, baby. You like that? Huh? You like that?
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Oh yeah… Uh huh… Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah,
oh yeah. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
POOL MAN
Yeah? Yeah?
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Yeah, oh yeah, oh, yeah. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Oh yeah!
POOL MAN
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
And ending on 15:29 with:
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
POOL MAN
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! YEAH!
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!
I’m sorry, but I don’t see why we need to spend this much time on a scene with two characters who seem to be in total agreement. Drama is conflict!
• At 18:43, the dialogue:
TUTOR
You want my fucking cock?
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Fuck yeah.
TUTOR
Then fucking fuck it!
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Fucking give me that fucker!
TUTOR
Fuck!
RANDY
How ‘bout your fuckin’ stepson’s cock? You
wanna fuck that, too?
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Fuckin’ A!
RANDY
She fuckin’ wants us both to fuckin’ fuck her with
our fuckin’ cocks!
TUTOR
Fuck.
MRS. CLEAVAGE
Fuck me, you fuckers!
TUTOR/RANDY
FUUUUUUCK!
KELLY
Hello? You are fucking my stepmom! Fuck, I wish her
to also be fucking me with her fucking cock!
This Mamet-esque dialogue is f***ing awesome! Tough, real and “street.” Let’s aim for this kind of gritty realism and… well, I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but is that Mr. Scorsese on the line?! Start making room on the card table in the lobby for an Independent Spirit Award!
That’s it for now. I’ll be sending along my notes on ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTER by end of day.
