Please write this number in a safe place: TYO945-3567-988TT
This is the tracking number for the boil we just removed from your ass.
Many patients are confused or forgetful immediately post-surgery, so please retain this paper.
Entering the above number on our website’s tracker (URL following page) will allow you to follow your boil’s progress as it moves from your ass to the hospital pan we dropped it in after we removed it from your ass, into the laboratories where it will be analyzed, to the storage facility in which it will be held pending the decision to re-analyze or further process, and thereafter to the landfill or waste site dictated by your hospital’s Disposal Services Board policies.
This tracking is part of a more comprehensive and patient-responsive service that Multigrade Hospital Services began providing earlier this year, about which you were notified by email.
Your ass boil is very important to us, as is the post-procedural care for your ass which you will be guided through in a separate document (NOTE: 2 yellow pages, often handed to you or your caregiver upon your discharge).
Please be assured that the automation of this function by our new Patient Information Tracking Department does not reduce the concerned care our trained medical professionals will continue to provide for either your boil or your ass.
As you’ve no doubt read, Multigrade’s acquisition, along with the acquisition of Wisconsin’s Central Hospital Group by DataMetrics earlier this year, was made more attractive by the many synergistic opportunities provided by the merger between your former hospital’s owners and a well-established customer-focused information-services firm providing information on a computerized call/demand basis that had previously only been available by calling one’s doctor.
Multigrade has been able to save its facilities much time and paperwork by removing patients’ access to their doctors. You and your ass should benefit from this upgrade almost immediately.
(The change has also enabled Multigrade to create entry-level jobs for recent high school graduates in our Patient Liaison / Contact Reduction Department, such as the employee involved in preparing and transmitting this form.)
When accessing our tracking site, please be advised that you will henceforth need to pass a ‘CAPTCHA’ challenge by identifying which of six boxes contain pictures of your ass. You will also be asked to click the celebrity name assigned to your ass boil, which is:
SAMANTHA EGGAR
If you still have questions about your ass-boil’s progress, contact Medi-Waste or Amalg. Landfill at the numbers provided.
Patients who have no wish to follow the progress of their ass boil may discard this page.
Tayloright
http://tinyurl.com/n82nz6c
