10 January 2018
TO: White House Office of Communications
FROM: Dr. Harold Bornstein
Re: Annual Physical Examination of President Donald Trump
President Trump underwent a comprehensive physical examination on 8 January 2018 under the direction of his personal physician, Dr. Harold Bornstein, who is, believe me, one of the most competent and admired doctors in the country. He knows more than any other doctor and is a complete expert in medicine.
The President was found to be in an incredible state of health, and in some ways healthier than all the other Presidents of the United State put together. His cholesterol is so good, even his bad cholesterol is good. His good cholesterol is even better than it was last year, and it was pretty good last year, believe me.
His triglycerides are some of the best triglycerides ever seen. People can’t believe how good they are. His other blood work was found to be perfect by experts who do nothing but look at blood work all day. These are incredible people. Really tremendous people. And they know blood work. So blood work is okay.
His vitals are well within the range of fantastic vitals, which means there’s no stress, no anxiety, no guilt or fear of legal ramifications about collusion. There was no collusion of any kind. All the doctors say so. Even Diane Feinstein, who did not have an annual physical, said on national television that there is no collusion, which is why President Trump’s health report is great.
All the analysis, the cyber, the numbers that mean things about health and well-being, all good. Height, weight, body mass, all that, excellent. People can’t believe it. Just like they can’t believe President Trump can do bipartisan. He says it to the Democrats. “Let’s do bipartisan.” They blink at each other because they can’t believe it. So it’s clear that there was no collusion, which is why President Trump’s blood pressure is so tremendous.
As far as drugs go, President Trump takes one 81 mg. tablet of baby aspirin every day, because he’s so active. Doesn’t mean he’s a baby. Doesn’t mean he’s a baby in any way, even though the haters call him a toddler or a baby or whatever. It’s a doctor thing, a blood thing. Plays golf, stays fit.
As far as penis size goes, there’s no problem there whatsoever. The doctors measured his penis and they couldn’t believe it. These doctors, great guys, have penis measuring devices, so they know. It’s part of the physical. The President said, Do you have to do this, and they said yes, it’s part of the medical thing we do, measuring penises as a means of determining. So they measured and determined. Totally excellent in all directions, height and width and girth and all of that, the penis dimensional considerations. All that. They said, Have you had any complaints? The President said, About what? They said, About penis size. The President said, Never. No complaints whatsoever. They said, That’s because your penis is so great.
A comprehensive examination like this, we ask the President things, like diet. His diet is, maybe not what some people would consider good, but who are they? Losers. Haters. Nobodies who hate people’s diets who are very successful. The President eats what he eats, it works for him, who’s to say? He happens to like beautiful chocolate cake. Then he takes a physical and turns out excellent, so maybe everyone should eat beautiful chocolate cake. Hamburgers, steak, chicken. The President is an American and that’s what Americans eat, period, end of sentence.
The other things also great. Hearing, vision. Doesn’t wear glasses, have hearing aids, none of that. So when he says there was no collusion, we know it’s true. A man with no hearing aids, who plays golf, is healthy, I hate to tell you, but that man knows what is true and what isn’t. So we can say definitely that there was no collusion. Why should there be, when this healthy President just signed a tax bill that goes across state lines, no chain immigration, making infrastructure great again the way it used to be.
The doctors said, What about the wall? The President said, We’re working on the wall. We’re working on coal. We may use the coal to build the wall. They said, Then you must be the healthiest President who ever lived, to do that. The President said, I am, although, I’ll be honest with you, I have excellent people.
Ask Russia. They’ll tell you: President Trump is so healthy, even the Russians look at each other and say, This is a healthy man. Is Crooked Hillary this healthy? The doctors don’t think so. And they know.
Mentally, President Trump is as alert as ever, watches Fox News and understands, absorbs all of it, every day. Tweets at night, about everything. You can’t do that if you don’t have mental. And you don’t have mental if you have collusion, which has been proven not to have.
Respectfully Submitted,
Harold Bornstein, MD
