May 6, 2016
Riven with doubt. Should I support Trump? On the one hand, the Party requires it. On the other, what about my values? He’s sympathetic to government safety-net programs!
Damn my cautious conservative hesitancy! And yet it must be said: I’m not there yet.
May 7, 2016
T. is rich, and that’s to the good. Without rich people, how would poor people have a source of income? But is he even a real conservative? True, he believes in freedom. But how I lament his bombastic style! To mock women, degrade Mexicans, and lampoon the physically disabled—why can’t he just ignore them, like all true Republicans? This is driving me mad with uncertainty.
May 10, 2016
Unable to sleep. Am now struggling, not only with whether or not to endorse T., but whether or not to drink a pint of turpentine. Of course the prospect is off-putting. But someone on Twitter wrote, “Hey, Ryan, drink a pint of turpentine!” and now I must consider it! What to do?
May 11, 2016
Still vexed by this T. issue. He calls for tariffs, while I stand for nothing if not free trade, and the ability to pit American workers’ salaries against those of workers in India who live in what I can only assume are sewers. I mean look at what they earn. How can I, who offer merely the wisdom of the Invisible Hand of the Market, compete with his millions of enthusiastic followers?
I continue to ponder the turpentine dilemma as well. Sooner or later I must decide, not merely to respond to the suggestion of a single constituent, but because to temporize is to attempt to evade the demands of leadership.
May 20, 2016
T. still maintains he would prevent all Muslims from entering the country. This is madness! Or is it? After all, Muslims are not, technically, Christians. And this is, as all know, a Christian nation. And all of ISIS are Muslim. Must we then hypothesize that all Muslims are in ISIS? The prospect is chilling.
Is it possible that T. knows more about radical jihadists, world religions, immigration policy, and strategies to combat terrorism, than he has previously let on?
Nearing a decision about whether or not to drink the pint of turpentine. I can feel certainty on the mental horizon.
May 22, 2016
I had forgotten that T. was, and seemingly still is, a “birther”! That he expresses skepticism about Barack Obama’s citizenship. Can such a man possibly be fit for the Presidency? And yet: is not skepticism the foundation of the scientific method? Many people—and not all of them mad—think Obama a native African. And even if he isn’t, is it so wrong to think so?
May 27, 2016
T. hints that Hillary Clinton murdered Vince Foster. He calls for guns in the classroom. His boast about raising money for vets and contributing himself are either exaggerations or outright falsehoods. He attacked a judge by calling him “Mexican,” as though guilty of some in-born crime, and the guy was born in Indiana.
But is any of us perfect? T. could have run as a Democrat (his views on social issues are slightly liberal) and yet he chose our Party. Surely there is something redemptive in that.
May 28, 2016
Of course it is necessary to defeat HRC. Of course it is necessary to assure that SCOTUS is stocked with justices who see no difference between this and the 18th century. Of course it is necessary that a Republican—any Republican—win the White House, so as to continue the policies that made the GWB administration the success that it was. But Trump? With his sons, so reminiscent of Saddam Hussein’s, and his wife, so reminiscent of Vampira? I must pray for guidance.
Turpentine is poison. I must not drink it. It really is that simple.
May 31, 2016
Through prayer, and discussion with my wife and leading Party officials, I have concluded that, because the country will benefit from my career, I must find a way to back T. without being seen to fully do so. Such Jesuitical hairsplitting is not only necessary, it is a virtue. This is what leadership is all about: the ability to advance oneself in order to command the allegiance of others.
I have officially Tweeted that I will not drink the pint of turpentine. Let the chips fall where they may!
June 1, 2016
Tomorrow will appear an op-ed, written by my best people, announcing that I will “vote” for T. We will take pains to note that it is not an official endorsement. We have already cleared it with T. and it will suffice. Will I have a role at the Convention? Time will tell. But, as always, a lengthy struggle with one’s conscience, a session of prayer with one’s Almighty, a discussion with one’s wife, and a conference with one’s Party officials, brings resolution.
Let there be no doubt: When I feel the need to, I’ll continue to speak my mind.
