Once more, we present a lexicon of modern “English” words and terms, the origins of which prove to have been Hebrew or Yiddish. Each entry includes an exemplary usage of the original term in a nice sentence. Because why not be helpful? Would it kill us?
ALPHA BITS – v. (Yid. alfabbitz) To annoy by reciting rules of spelling, especially while others are playing cards. “Yes, yes, ‘I before E except after C’! Do you have to alphabitz while I’m trying to discard?!”
BOIL – n . (Heb. bohel) A clergyman who performs circumcisions using only really hot water. “Let’s hope this boil knows what he’s— oy! He couldn’t use such a thing as a knife?”
BOXKITE –n. (Yid. bochskite) An unattractive person who flies in the air on a string. “Yeesh, such a bochskite, she should just stay up there.”
BOYISH APPEAL – vb. (Yid. boyische peel) To remove the clothing of attractive young Gentile males. “Those fellas on that high school football team, would I love to see them boyische peel! The Hebrew school football team? Not so much.”
BUBBA – n. (Yid. bubbah) A grandmother who resembles a hog farmer from the American South. “So his bubbah doesn’t so much as offer me a beer or a chew!”
CHANEL – n. (Yid. schnel) An idiot who smells great. “My nephew, the dropout, he’s such a schnel. But his aroma! Mmm!”
COCKER SPANIEL – n. (Yid. kocker schpaniel) An old person who fetches sticks and drinks from the toilet. “My mother and her friends, such kocker schpaniels, you don’t want to know. And the shedding!” [Not to be confused with kosher spaniel: a dog blessed by a rabbi for consumption on Passover]
CONNIVE – vb. (Yid. k’nive) To attempt to trick someone by using baked doughy treats stuffed with mashed potato or kasha. “Let’s see if we can connive our way out of this. Uh… look over there at those baked goods! Now RUN!”
DENIM – n. (Yid. denem) People not from one’s immediate area, but who look really good in jeans. “You’re going to move way out of town with the denim, especially with your ass?”
FARFETCHED – adj. (Yid. ferfecht) So emotional one fails to realize that one’s proposals are really stupid. “I’m so ferfetcht, I thought a land war in Asia was a good idea. Oy!”
HALLOWEEN – n. (Heb. Challahween) The act of going door to door asking for candy while dressed as a loaf of egg bread. “My grandson is so adorable this Challahween, I could just tear off a chunk of his head and eat it, with maybe a schmear.”
KELP – n. (Yid. kelppe) Seaweed that is worn on one’s head. “It’s cold outside, Avi, wear your kelppe.”
KILT – n. (Yid. kelt) Chocolates wrapped in foil to resemble money and hidden under a Scotsman’s skirt. “Hey, there’s kelt under here! Who knew?”
LAHAINA – interj. (Heb. L’chaina) An expression of the joy of life in Hawaii. “Just think, Isaac, we could be in the Negev Desert. L’chaina!”
MISSPOKEN – vb. (Yid. mischpoken) To mistakenly speak about one’s family. “Did I say family? Er, I mean… I’m not married. I mischpoken. Heh, heh.”
MOSH PIT – n. (Yid. noshpit) A large hole filled with snacks, into which attendees of musical events often jump. “Did you eat before, or you just want to jump in the noshpit?”
NACHOS – n. (Yid. nachus) A feeling of pride over one’s ability to pour melted cheese over corn chips. “Look at the way my son pours melted cheese over his corn chips… such nachus I got!”
POI – n. (Yid. poy) Mashed taro roots molded into the shape of a Gentile. “Is it me, or is that poy looking at us funny?”
RUBBISH – n. (Yid. rubbisch) A nerd one rubs with waste products. “My sister’s boy, such a rubbisch! I’m gonna stroke his head with this used coffee filter.”
SHIITAKE – n. (Yid. schtakey) A rural European Jewish village constructed of large mushrooms. “My grandmother grew up in a schtakey in Latvia, until the czar burned it down and cooked it with a little melted butter, onion and some tarragon.”
SHILELAGH – vb. (Yid. schlaley) To go a long distance with a load of wooden cudgels. “And then I had to schlaley all the way to Killarney… Gevalt!”
