Four women have come forward to reveal that Donald J. Trump, the Republican Party’s candidate for President of the United States, did not grope, kiss, insult, or otherwise molest them.
The women approached the Review separately and are unknown to one another. The Review made no effort to corroborate their stories.
The transcripts of their conversation with a SORB reporter appear below.
Penny Sayver, 47, Altoona, PA: I’ve always been a fan of The Donald ever since “The Apprentice” first came on the air, so five years ago I saved up to fly out to California for a taping of the show. When it was done, I waited outside the studio door with my autograph book, hoping that Mr. Trump would sign it. After a while he finally came out, surrounded by bodyguards. When he walked past me I said “Mr. Trump, could I please have your autograph?” He turned to one of the bodyguards and said “Tony, keep that bitch away from me,” and kept walking. Tony shoved me aside and pushed me onto the sidewalk. I still have a scar on my left knee. But Mr. Trump himself never groped me, never tried to kiss me, nothing.
SORB: Your story seems credible. But why did you wait so long to report this?
Sayver: Because Mr. Trump is a really nice man, that’s why. He’s an important person with important things to do. I should have known better than to try to waste his time. And he was right: at times I really can be a bitch! My husband tells me that all the time. And he would know.
Donna Creation, 25, Hoboken, NJ: A few years ago I was hospitalized after a fire destroyed my house. I had second- and third-degree burns over 70% of my body. There were bandages everywhere. I spent a lot of time in the intensive care unit. One day the nurses told us that Donald Trump was going to walk down the corridor of the ICU, and that we patients were expected to stay in our rooms and not say anything to him, and not even to look at him. Well, bandaged and bed-ridden as I was, that wasn’t hard for me to do! He did walk past my room and he looked at me with this scowl on his face, and muttered “Disgusting.”
SORB: Why did he come to the hospital in the first place?
Creation: I found out later that one of his bodyguards, a guy named Tony, was dating one of the nurses here. Mr. Trump saw her picture and came out here to ask her out himself. I was told that when he found her, he grabbed her and took her into a supply closet and stuck his tongue down her throat.
SORB: But he never touched you, right?
Creation: That’s right. He never laid a finger on me.
SORB: Why did you wait so long to come forward with this?
Creation: Like I said, this happened several years ago, and the Sherman Oaks Review of Books has been in existence for, what, five or six months now? Give me a break! Besides, once my skin grafts heal, maybe Mr. Trump will find me attractive enough to grope. I didn’t want to ruin my chances.
Mary Widdow, 89, Manhattan: I met Mr. Trump at a charity auction in 2011. He was there with another fellow. Anyway, Mr. Trump was very gracious and polite. A charming man, really. But the other fellow was ghastly! His smug face was the color of a pumpkin, and he had the most ridiculous hair I ever saw, the color of straw after a horse p…I’m sorry. Urinates on it. THAT man was incredibly rude! My granddaughter Lola was with me, and he grabbed at her and tried to kiss her. He had his hand up her gown as though he was Shari Lewis and she was Lamb Chop. Our host had to come over and speak to him, then he got up and left. He was dreadful. Absolutely horrid.
SORB: Mrs. Widdow, I think you may be confused. Are you sure that THAT man wasn’t Donald Trump?
Widdow: I don’t think so. Isn’t Mr. Trump a young, good-looking fellow with dark hair and muscles like Charles Atlas?
SORB: No, that’s his bodyguard, Tony. The man who attacked your granddaughter was Donald Trump.
Widdow: Oh, for heaven’s sake!
SORB: But he never touched you, did he?
Widdow: I must admit that he did not.
SORB: Why did you wait so long to report this?
Widdow: My dear man, I tried to get in touch with the editors of The American Mercury and The Saturday Evening Post, but I had no luck with that at all. I even tried to send them a telegram!
Mia Tarzana: My parents were the keepers of a lighthouse on Remote Island, off the coast of Maine. I took over the family business when they passed. I’ve spent my entire life on that island. Not only have I never been molested by Donald Trump, I’ve never met another human being. Well, except for a Fed Ex guy, once. He was weird.
SORB: What did he look like?
Tarzana: Big tubby orange guy.
SORB: It probably was Trump.
Tarzana: WHAT!? Huh. I wondered why he wore a suit! Plus he didn’t even deliver a package or anything.
SORB: What did—
Tarzana: Plus that explains who that other guy was, who just stood in the background and cracked his knuckles.
SORB: When–
Tarzana: That means he drove all the way to Faraway Point in a Fed Ex truck, took the ferry to the island, and rang the bell at our front door. When I answered it he felt my breasts, then called me a loser and a pig and left. I’m sorry. I really thought I was one of the few women Trump hasn’t attacked.
SORB: That’s all right.
Tarzana: Can I still be in the article?
SORB: Sure. Why not.
Neal Wellons
http://tinyurl.com/p7mmo9f
