- Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?
- If Scott Pruitt’s EPA encourages the increased pollution of air in the U.S., what do you intend to breathe instead?
- How many abortions have you paid for?
- How many abortions did you say you would pay for but then declined to pay for?
- People say you “just want to be liked.” Why, then, do you think you have become the most detested man on Earth?
- Do you know what “collusion” means?
- Do you know what “conspiracy” means?
- Do you know what “sesquipedalian” means?
- If you could date your daughter, would you treat, or would you go “Dutch”?
- Your most recent physician has been shown to be a liar and a creep. Your previous physician knowingly released a false medical report about you. Why do have such bad luck finding doctors?
- Do you think Jared Kushner, your son-in-law, would go to prison rather than incriminate you? Why not?
- Who is Serge Magnitsky? (Hint: This is a trick question.)
- Your entire professional life has been spent seeking the approval and admiration of successful people in Manhattan. You have now become a laughingstock and a joke (at best), and a monster (at worst) to those very people. What happened?
- Why does your wife hate you?
- Since the medical report claiming you were in perfect health has been revealed to have been dictated by you, is it fair to assume that you are, in fact, in miserable health?
- How can an overweight man who rides a golf cart for any distance longer than 100 feet (and while playing golf, thereby getting no exercise), and eats almost nothing but high-fat, high-sugar junk food, not be in bad health?
- Do you think that, considering your weight, you qualify for the pronoun “they”?
- If you keel over and die from your diet, whom, once you are dead, will you blame: Hillary Clinton, CNN, or The New York Times?
- Are you aware that the difference in intelligence between you and your MAGA followers is approximately the same as between you and literally everyone else who works in the Federal government?
- What does it feel like, knowing that the crowds who cheer for you as you preen onstage at your “rallies,” are deluded people made stupid by lies that you knowingly tell?
- Have you ever told a lie while President?
- Have you ever not told a lie while President?
- If Jeff Bezos were to fund the creation of a rocket ship capable of flying a human passenger to Mars, how much would we have to pay you to be on the maiden flight?
- What is the favorite book of Barron Trump, your son?
- What is his favorite movie?
- What is his favorite dessert?
- What is his middle name?
- Who is his best friend at school?
- Who is Barron Trump?
- Are you aware that studies have shown that people who watch Fox News literally end up more stupid after they watch than they were before they watched?
- Are you aware that you watch Fox News?
- What, given the previous two questions, are the implications as regards the level of your stupidity?
- Has Betsy DeVos told you how raising a population of imbeciles will benefit America’s billionaires?
- How do you spell “counsel”?
- Who is your favorite artist, and which of his/her work is your favorite painting?
- Were Manet and Monet the same person? If not, who were they?
- Are you aware that you did not actually write The Art of the Deal?
- Why, if your name is so beloved and you are so admired, do almost all your branding franchises go out of business?
- If a phlebotomist is someone who enjoys phlebotomy, is a racist someone who enjoys horse racing?
- What is phlebotomy?
- What is the capital of Africa? (Hint: This is a trick question.)
- Will you go to jail rather than incriminate your children for crimes that you promoted and encouraged them to commit?
- Have you ever willingly sat and listened to music?
- What is music?
- Stipulating that you are a criminal, still: Why are almost all your children criminals, too?
- As a Christian, how have you and your life been influenced by the teachings of Jesus?
- No, seriously. How?
- Is there any good thing you won’t destroy in your campaign to undo the accomplishments of Barack Obama?
- Why don’t you take your fortune and your family and go live in Russia? Literally.
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