DT’s America, America’s DT’s #2: Pik-a-Skandal!

How bad will things be under President Trump? We don’t know. But we can (still) exercise our Constitutionally-guaranteed right to guess. Below, a whole dozen nightmare scenarios to anticipate, fear, and make book on. Pick your favorite! Or collect ‘em all! And stay tuned for a Special Offer at the end.

1. IT’S A RIOT! People of all races, creeds, and hairstyles swarm public space in Madison, Wi, or Washington, D.C., or Detroit, MI (or wherever) to rally against the administration. And you know how it goes — one thing leads to another, the police are mobilized, word “comes down” to “show resolve,” and shots (of live ammo) are fired. A riot ensues. Eighty-seven are trampled to death, which news is announced by Trump’s press secretary the next day. Fifty-three are shot by cops, which news is buried and denied at the same press conference. Trump blames “terrorists and agitators.”
2. OF COURSE I’LL SCRATCH YOUR BACK, MR. SECRETARY. Solid proof is published connecting a Trump Cabinet member — either directly, or via intermediaries and cut-outs — to kickbacks on government contracts. The proof consists of undercover videos, phone taps, and emails. Trump denies everything and blames “the lying media.”
3. WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN, AND HIRE THEM? Trump’s Labor Secretary promulgates a law permitting child labor. After a series of scathing editorials in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Washington Post, and Highlights for Children, Trump calls for the creation of an “editorial review board” to vet any editorials “mentioning the President,” because “the Presidency is a hard job” and “editorials shouldn’t be unfair.”
4. “YOUR NRA CARD? WELL…ALL RIGHT.” Republican state legislatures pass laws requiring every voter to register or “re-register,” using only approved forms of ID. Non-approved IDs include U.S. Passports, driver’s licenses, and student IDs. Approved forms include only “party-certified” ID’s, with the sole exception of the Democratic Party’s certified IDs, which are not valid. When asked about this during his yearly press conference, Trump praises “states rights.”
5. MAKING AMERICA WHAT IT USED TO BE, AGAIN. White supremacists of the so-called “alt-right” rally in Trump’s name, joined by members of (whatever is left of) the Tea Party. A small group of protestors rallies nearby. A confrontation ensues, and the white supremacists lynch a protestor. Despite multiple photogs and videos of the event, police are “unable to make a definitive arrest.” Trump blames “troublemakers.”
6. CHIPS OFF THE OLD BLOCK. Trump’s kids are found to have been taking bribes from foreign government agents and then having been blackmailed by them. Trump declares war on the foreign power, then has Congress stall, bury the request, and eventually claims that the foreign government “has apologized.”
7. WAITING TO EXPIRE. The Trump administration calls for the abolition of the EPA in the name of “growth, prosperity, and jobs” and the elimination of essentially all environmental regulations. When informed that such a move would inevitably result in an increase in a quarter-million deaths over two years from asthma and lung cancer, Trump’s Surgeon General replies, “not if people have jobs which require them to stay inside. And that’s what we’re working for.”
8. HOW’S THIS FOR “GLOBAL REACH”? It is revealed that terrorists who seized a Trump property overseas and threatened to blow up the building have been bought off with $100 million. Trump denies it and blames the “lying” press of the foreign country, even though the articles are in The Washington Post.
9. BECAUSE “HUD” SPELLED BACKWARDS IS “DUH.” A 10,000 word report in the N.Y. Times shows bribery, kickbacks, and other forms of corruption in HUD, as Secretary Ben Carson’s hired underlings run amok and Carson is sunnily oblivious. Carson explains, “People do things and that sometimes can create a situation.” Trump blames “corrupt civil servants.”
10. HELLUVA JOB, TRUMPIE. A hurricane devastates eastern and southern Florida. FEMA’s response is slow and inadequate, as various service providers squabble over who will get paid what and who will kick back what to whom, when, and in what kind of gym bag. Hundreds die unnecessarily. Trump blames “red tape.”
11. THE ANXIETY OF INFLUENCE. An evangelical male plants an I.E.D. at an abortion clinic in Tacoma, WA. It explodes and kills twelve, including four pregnant women. When apprehended, he praises Trump. That night, Trump tweets “Bomber influenced by ISIS. IED’s their M.O. Sad!”
12. WHEN YA GOTTA GO, YA GOTTA GO. The House and Senate pass bills eviscerating Social Security and Medicare. Within six months of the passage, suicides are up 32% across the bottom 80% of the population, when measured by income. Trump blames “change” and philosophizes, “people are going to die, one way or another.”

Special Offer

It took us barely half an hour to write all these. It’s easy, and it’s fun. Now you try! Come up with your own plausible nightmare scenario and submit it to www.shermanoaksreview.com. Winners will have their entries AND THEIR NAMES published in this actual magazine, where it will be read by literally dozens. (Note: Every entry will be considered a “winner,” although will be subject to gentle editorial improvement.) Don’t wait! Deadline is…we don’t know…let’s say Tuesday, January 3 (2017, for God’s sake).