[Editor’s Note: Today the Sherman Oaks Review of Books celebrates the publication of its 100th article. We have received a great number of letters acknowledging this milestone, some of which appear below.]
To the Editor:
Let me be the first to offer congratulations on the imminent publication of your 100th article. If it’s anything like the preceding 99, I have no doubt that it will be thoroughly enjoyed by both your regular readers. They may, if they wish to sample something a bit more interesting, amusing, and literate, visit us at the Rancho Cucamonga Review of Books, where we have published many more than 100 articles and have many more than two readers.
C.W. Charles
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
[The writer is Editor-in-Chief of the Rancho Cucamonga Review of Books and a frequent correspondent with the Sherman Oaks Review of Books and an asshole.—Ed.]
To the Editor:
Kindly cancel my subscription to your publication. I was under the impression that I was subscribing to the Sherman Oaks Books Review—a weekly (ideally) review of books about Sherman Oaks. In fact, over the course of 100 articles you have run exactly zero reviews of books about Sherman Oaks, and I feel cheated, cheap, and dirty. Fuck you people.
S. Ochs
Sherman Oaks, CA
[There is no such thing as a “subscription” to the Sherman Oaks Review of Books. There are also, per an Amazon search, no books in print about Sherman Oaks, CA. There is something called The Journal of the Academy of Chiropractic Philosophers Volume 2 by Sherman College of Chiropractic and Michael Norman (“An exploration of issues in the philosophy of chiropractic from graduates of the Academy of Chiropractic Philosophers at Sherman College of Chiropractic.”), which we will endeavor to review at some point in the future.—Ed.]
To the Editor:
In all your vaunted (whatever that means) 100 articles, did you even once have the simple human decency to tell Lorenz Hart that the lyric “She hates California/It’s cold and it’s damp” is false, wrong, and ill-advised? California is mostly hot and dry. A suitable re-write would have been either “She hates San Francisco/It’s cold and it’s damp” (which it is) or “She hates California/If you go swimming in the ocean there you might get a cramp” (which is true). Apparently you could not, and cannot, be bothered. It is for this reason that I despair of humanity. Can you blame me?
Jacques N. Day
Rock-On-the-Hudson, NY
[Lorenz Hart died in 1943. We began publishing this past April. That’s why the writer is a jerk.—Ed.]
To the Editor:
I see I have been, if not manipulated, then somewhat misled. It appears that my letter congratulating your little publication on its 100th article is its 100th article. So a simple act of professional courtesy is greeted with crass exploitation. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. Actually, nothing surprises me anymore, except for the frog someone left—doubtless by mistake—in my coffee mug this morning.
C.W. Charles
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
[The writer is listed on the Federal Sex Offenders Registry. Readers intending to purchase Federal Sex Offenders gifts for him should consult it first.—Ed.]
To the Editor:
Your magazine is a disgrace. Its layout is boring. Its font is too small and not dark enough. Its writers aren’t funny. Its Mission Statement is impractical. Its reader outreach, via Facebook and Twitter, is half-hearted and inept. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Judgey Judy
Hollywood, CA
[The writer either is, or isn’t, a well-known television personality.—Ed.]
To the Editor:
Best wishes on the publishing your 100th article (sic). If I had time to read, I would have read some of them. Actually I probably would have read them all. I would have understood them and gotten all the jokes, too—probably better than the people who wrote them, really. Actually I could have written them, if I had the time. A lot of best-sellers have my name on them. As a matter of fact, a lot of everything has my name on it. You’ve got things everywhere, all over the world, very high quality. Plus, I have to tell you, many people have said I’m a very funny person. When many people say something, you know it’s true. Many people also say I’m a vulgar, ignorant narcissist. Look, it’s name-calling. It’s typical. But they don’t know me, okay?
Donald Trump
Mar-Ma-Lado, FL
[The writer is the Republican Party candidate for President of the United States. No, seriously. He really is. –Ed.]
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