To the Editor:
One of the main reasons we need to take our country back is, it has been stolen from us by African-Americans, both from America and from Africa. First we had Obama. Now we have these movie stars.
Do you want to know why I never go to the movies anymore? It is because I can’t understand or pronounce the names of the actors.
This is an outrage, because the movies are where we learn how to be a man and a woman. They are what I call the dream factories of the American spirit. The movies are where we learn how to smoke a cigarette, how to kiss a girl, how to wear a suit, how to drive a car, and how to punch another American in the nose. And now that has been taken from us.
Think back, will you, to the movie stars of olden times. What names they had then! Names like Tyrone Power, Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, Rock Hudson, Franchot Tone, Tab Hunter, and the greatest name in the history of movies, Victor Mature. And the women! They, too, had names, such as Joan Crawford, Lana Turner, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Olivia de Havilland, Dorothy Lamour, Hedy Lamarr, and the greatest name in the history of women’s names in movies, ZaSu Pitts.
What do we have today? Names no one can pronounce. It’s wrong. It’s un-American.
I hope that when Donald Trump becomes President of the United States, he will look into all these names. No one should be allowed to make movies until we can figure out what’s going on with everything.
I suggest that he start by passing a law requiring anyone in an American movie to have an Americanized name, so that people can pronounce it. Let me make a few suggestions. Below is a chart I have created, showing the unacceptable current name of a few stars, and the suggested acceptable name they can change it to.
Unacceptable Name Acceptable American Name
Chiwetelu Ejiofor Rock Mature
Djimon Hounsou Tab Astaire
Shia LaBoeuf Grant Victor Power
David Oyelowo Tyrone Tone
Lupita Nyong’o ZaSu Crawford
Gabourey Sidibe Zsa Zsa Pitts
Queen Latifah Queen Lana Lamour-Lamarr
Mayim Bialik Hedy de Havilland
This is but a start of our taking back our country by taking back our movies by taking back our movie stars by taking back our movie star names. America is a melting pot, and when you melt, you’re supposed to become more like everyone around you who has already been in the pot. With your help, and with God’s help, this will happen.
Yours truly,
Vladislav Krzyzewski
Tuna-On-Rye, NY
